2017

A year ago today I wrote a blog expressing our want to pick ONE word for the Year ahead of us. This process provides clarity by taking all your big plans for life change and narrowing them down into single focus. ((https://lovinglincolnjames.wordpress.com/2016/01/01/2016/ ))

We prayed and God gave us our words before we moved to Washington and before we found out about Lincolns health problems.

As you all know Last year was a big year for us. We picked up our family of five and moved across country to the unknown of Washington. A month after we settled in, we got devastating news that Lincoln had a lot going on in his brain, and the only way to save his life was brain surgery and a lifelong device. He had a total of 4 brain surgeries in 6 months.

The combination of everything involving a new move, the house we had yet to find, Adams new job, making new friends, finding a good pediatrician, I could go on and on, it all adds up. Then pile the news of your baby needing Surgery in 2 weeks and ending up staying in the hospital for 22 days instead of the usual 4.

Things just kept happening…

Car accident 2 days before Lincs surgery.

My hysterectomy

Shunt Malfunction

Brain infection

My hysterectomy

And always the little things in between, like the firemen at the house two days ago for a Gas leak. The freezer being left open and all the meat going bad. Zion having an ear infection while we are at Seattle Childrens…

It takes a toll on your soul. You begin to lose hope. We are tired.

I once heard a quote ” I can bear my own pain, but I’m not strong enough to bear yours.”

That was between a husband and a wife.

This is how I feel about Lincoln. I can no longer bear his pain. No mother should have to do what I have had to do…

I shared on my facebook page the other day about how God chooses Mothers with Children with special needs and it lifted me up and gave me a little bit of peace.

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of special needs babies are chosen? Somehow, I visualize God hovering Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.
Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. “Give her a special baby.” The angel is curious. “Why this one God? She’s so happy.”
“Exactly,” smiles God. “Could I give a baby that has special needs to a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel.” “But does she have the patience?” asks the angel. “I don’t want her to have too much patience, or she’ll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she’ll handle it.
I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I am going to give her has a world of his own. She has to make him live in her world, and that’s not going to be easy.”God smiles. “This one is perfect. She has just the right amount of selfishness. “The angel gasps, “Selfishness! Is that a virtue?” God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn’t know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says “momma” for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clear the things that I see – ignorance, cruelty, prejudice – and allow her to rise above them.
She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.”
-Unknown

I share the heartache that we have had to endure through this year, not to have a pity party but more to show you how wonderful God has been, even through all of this.

Like I said, we picked our words before any of this has happened.

mine was PEACE. Adams was COURAGE.

I re read my blog from last year and it brought me to a place of thanksgiving. God knew I was going to need peace to get me through these trials, and he knew Adam would need courage. I didn’t know why I was going to need peace, and Adam didn’t know why he would need courage but we trusted in those words. Now looking back, we completely understand why.

Peace. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

courage. “Have I not commanded you to Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid, Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

I couldn’t have had peace last year without his courage, and he couldn’t have had courage without my peace.

God would periodically remind us of our words throughout the year. Someone would send me a message and pray for peace, Adam would get a call and his prayer would be for courage. We had a friend come to the hospital when Lincoln was last there, and he prayed a long beautiful prayer and without knowing our words, he prayed we would find peace and courage.

Adam is choosing Patience-

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

When people have asked how I’m handling everything I go on to explain that I feel like I’m in a still ocean and all of a sudden a wave knocks me down, I’m under and just as soon as I’m about to pass out I get brought up for air, just for more wind to bring a wave and knock me back under.
I’m deciding to seek out Joy this year.

 

I’ve been searching to a verse to go with my Joy and this one spoke much truth to me.

James 1:2-3
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 

I had to keep reading that verse in context…

4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Doubt has been knocking me down, drowning me.

This year will be filled with JOY and PATIENCE. a feeling of great pleasure and happiness, in the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on negative annoyance/anger; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties.

I cant wait to see what the Lord has in store for us!

Bye Bye 2016!

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